Anonymous asked: You're the worst thing that will ever happen to anyone's life. I mean just look, Arian took a bullet just to get away from you. Kill yourself and go to hell already where you belong you abomination.
That hit right in the honey nut feelios.
Actually no it fucking didn’t. You have absolutely no fucking control of my emotions and I’d be rather happy if you just fucking stopped already. I’m living my life the way I want to and for the first time in a long time I’m actually happy. I’m happier than I could of ever fathomed being all thanks to my fiancèe and myself. You can’t bring me down, for amything that you do won’t mean shit; because she makes everything flawless in the world and helps me see this worlds beauty. This petty shit means nothing to me. You’ve lost.
Anonymous asked: I'm the creepy girl with the stupid crush on you who's mom won't let her take you to concerts because she's too fat. Lately I've been feeling down, idk why. However, I went to the doctor and they weighed me and I gained ten pounds. I gained ten pounds and now all I can think about is swallowing a whole bottle of pills or slitting my throat or jumping off a bridge. I'm miserable, and I want to die. Thought I should tell someone.
Hun. Beauty is a perception. It may not be now, but everything changes, especially our perception. Suicide is an escape from the suffering and misery of life yes, but also from the laughter, the people that make you smile, its an end to all of life amd its vile. Please don’t kill yourself. Trust me. Its never worth it. With losing my brother I can’t fucking stand to look in the mirror sometimes and think how he could still be alive to this day. Imagine all of those you’re hurting if you left? You’re taking your pain and giving it to your family, your friends and to those that care about you. Just listen, forgetting is the easy way out, take on life, say “fuck you”, then rise from the ashes and create the person you want to be. Suicide isn’t the answer though okay?
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
the mashup you didnt need.
It took me two days to find this again and I’m never letting go
the more this progresses the more it sounds like a satanic chant. thousands of shreks marching towards you, each chanting a different part of the song. my god. what have we done
Send me (1) message about anything you would like to know about me.
RIP to all those who didn’t make it to 2014. And to those that did; I’m so, so proud of you.
I didn’t even try to scroll past this
it’s illegal to not reblog this
Anonymous asked: I want to die. That's it.
Who is this?! Message me off anon.
toy story voice over
If girls had a penis for a day:
No I’ll be more like :
you forgot one
I CAN’T BREATHE
this showed up during the feminist attack. i had too.
This IS the best GIF on Tumblr!!
Honestly for the first time ever I’m the happiest I’ll ever be and my dreams are coming true.
Engaged to my best friend and dream girl and nothing could ever make me happier than her anf playing guitar. That’s another dream to come true; I’ve gotten so good that I’m actually well renowned by a lot of people as an insanely good guitarist. For the first time I actually like myself and find myself attractive :) with help from my fiancee, I’m finally starting to see beauty in life.
I don’t understand why Maned Wolves aren’t more popular on tumblr, I mean look at them
they’re absolutely precious and
in every way